Good Gravy!

I just had a cup of tea and realised I have not updated this since Hawke was Prime Minister... You would not believe that I'd been abducted by aliens. Jealous much? Don't be, it was very painful..

I am totally and utterly flat out with feeding the little people, sleeping, just generally being an embarrassment to the bodyguards of the blogger I am stalking, my day often feels wasted from my partner kicking me out of bed to home. I am convinced that I absolutely deserve this after all my hard work. primo.

I vow I will write something that makes sense soon. I promise! Cats if you don't..

I didn't read this post before posting. I chose random stuff from http://www.aussiebloggers.com.au/blogpost.html and posted it. Enjoy.

An attempt at artistry.

Zwölf Uhr dreizig in der (die? Static or Dynamic? Damn you insufficient knowledge of German) Nacht. I said goodnight to my girlfriend fourty minutes ago, but found myself unable to sleep. By the virtue of boredom and inabillity to drift off, I decided to try to compose something worhty of publishing here, to the frantic delight of my stable fanbase.

I have for the last four weeks, resided in Kiel, Germany. I've been a good boy and gone to school every day, and have not been drinking excessivly. I have done homework, and laboured to keep my now long distance relationship in good health. I have shopped for shoes, and I have spent money I do not have. I have not shaved, but I rarely do anyway. I have grown tierd of Geramany, and wish for home. Wednesday I will head back to whiter urbtures. It will be glorious!

If someone were to burst through my door to save me from a raging fire that had gone unnoticed by me, they would find me sitting in my rented bed, wringing my brain for pretentious things to say and an adequately ostentatious manner to express them. I would look up at them, carefully chewing on a fruit that, prior to processing, has a slight similarity to a discoloured penis, and politely sugest that they ought to look out for the various puddles of sand that spice up my otherwise boring floor. Tom Waits, casually masticating pebbles in my ear, would have to be abandoned in favour of my survival.

And so, having run out of pointless dribbel to practice my english on, we arrive at what one could call the point of this post: My most recent attempt at creativity and artistry. A magnificent feat of parody and humour. I present to you, my beloved reader, a Blake and Høyland cooperative effort (with the former being wholly unaware of his parttaking in the project): 'The Cougar' (first and likely final draft)!

Cougar! Cougar! prowling nights
'Neath the strobing party lights,
What primordial lust or vice
could fuel thy vicious appetite

On what distant groins or eyes
Burnt the fire of thine thighs?
O' what girth does it require?
What hand dare quench the fire?

And what shoulders, & what heart
Will twist when faced with thy art?
And when that heart beats with pace?
What rushed speech, & what flushed face.

What of ball and what of chain?
In lust's furnace burns thy brain.
What man will, with what dread gasp
Dare your heated body grasp?

When your star threw down his spear
And watered havens with its tear
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the bed make thee?

Cougar! Cougar! prowling nights
'Neath the strobing party lights,
What young Adonis, fresh in eye
Dare frame thy waning symetry

William Blake: The Tyger!
Urban Dictionary: Cougar

Now, if you excuse me, I must converse with a bottle of gin with regards to the possibility that sleep is hiding somewhere close to the bottom of the bottle.

The pros and cons of government controlled brothels.

I mentioned in a post some months ago that I think it would be a really great idea to limit prostitution to government owned and controlled brothels. This would be a complete tournaround from the current Norwegian policies of banning purchase of sexual services. As such I will compare the potential benefits, and potential problems, of government controlled brothels from the point of view that prostitution is effectivly criminalized.

I have no, or very little information to back up my arguments and assumptions, other than what goes on inside my head.

The idea is basicly: The government controlls, taxes and runs the brothels, which are the only legal marketplaces for sexual services. Prostitution outside these institutions is strictly illegal.


Pros:

Not forcing the 'industry' underground, thus getting a more transparent market and making it more difficult for criminal organizations and exploitation of those in the profession.

Increased controlled with illegal immigration.

Controll with STD's and HIV through regular testing and (possibly) increased use of condoms.

Safer enviorment for both customer and professional.

Income for the state, which we need when the oil runs out or is made largely redundant.

Possibility to recomend (or demand) rehabilitation programmes to people who enter the profession in search for money for drugs or alcohol.

Prostitution is the oldest profession in the world and one that I think is impossible to get rid of.


Cons:

Moral objections which I find irrelevant considering the practical advantages of my proposal.

Lack of people willing to enter into the profession.

People employing themselves in the 'industry' as a last resort, and rather unwillingly but in need of the income. Is this ethicly questionable?
(I think not. It is still a free choice and even more so in a country as Norway with a good welfare system).



I have trouble finding more flaws with my suggestion, but if you (my few visitors) have suggestions (preferably for cons, but also for pros) feel free to leave them in a comment.

Anoying people in my vicinity.

Transcript from lecture notes.

Big-fat-girl wearing a black t-shirt, red and yellow scarf (worn over the shoulder, rather than around the neck, sort of like a shawl), and a long white skirt. Is she trying to disguise her uglyness by dressing like a (red and yellow) cloaked killer whale?

Hip-hop man with a cap. I hate caps and hip-hop men.

Big nosed guy who writes on his macbook Air with his right middle-finger and left index finger. Writing like that is not allowed unless you are crippled, or have got something sticky on your fingers you don't want to get on your keyboard (like semen).

The most anoying person in my vicinity is however the 'average' girl sitting one row down and a few seats to the right of me. She seems the typical girl who sees conformity as the road to attractiveness; and the road to conformity through the tanning bed and over a barbed wire fence to put the finninshing holes in her pants. The crust of makeup cracks open when she smiles, like a piece of dry barren earth in an earthquake, strangling whatever remains of healthy, natural skin.
Pearl earrings! By a random diety! How I despise pearl earrings! Why do young women insist on wearing old lady jewlery?

Beside her lies her backpack. It is black with the word 'MOT' written in red letters on it. 'MOT' (meaning 'courage', and also 'against', in Norwegian) is an organization aiming to spread information and prevent moccery, violence and drugabuse which I believe mainly targets thirteen / fourteen year-olds. Important statement you are sporting there girl! I seem to respect you much more now!

*barf*

Most of the people in this auditorium have old, worn down waterbottles, filled with tapwater. 'Statement girl', however, has two bottles of UNICEF water. Now this is something I have come to hate. You buy some water and UNICEF gets some money. But, if you had brought water from home and given the money you would have spent on water to UNICEF they would have gotten more. The tapwater here in Norway is just as good as the bottled water anyway. As such, the UNICEF water becomes nothing more than a tool for self obsessed cunt-heads to show off how politically correct and generous they are.

It's a smart move from UNICEF to recognize the potential market in theese people though. It's not as if she would have donated anything otherwise. Slap a keffiyeh on her and she's readdy to go!


(I must have been thoroughly annoyed that day).

Late night indulgences.

The time is 03:38. My girlfriend is, presumably, sound asleep. I, on the other hand, have on this splendifious evening decided to sit up and entertain my fantasies about learning to play the piano. As such, I am at the moment sitting on my couch listening to everything from Hugh Laurie to Chopin. My fingers dancing over the keyboard of my laptop in a pattern more reminicent of what they were used to during my two years of piano lessons, than what has been more common in the latter years of computer zealotry.

My hand stretches out for the nearly empty glass on the table next to me. A light fire surges. Warms through the throat, between my lungs and down to the stomach. I pour another glass. My girlfriend gave me the glass for my birthday. I like them (there were two). Drinking whiskey from a halflitre glass 'cause it was the only that had a broad enough bottom to fit the icecubes didn't really feel right. However, these glasses scare me. They are so thin, and seemingly brittle (like the anorexic you're afraid to touch because you're afraid they will break), that I'm almost afraid I will bite off a chunk of glass. Not that I usually bite the glasses I drink from...

I've been wathcing House MD for the last hundred and ten minutes (I watched two episodes in their entierty, and one twenty minutes through before realising I had seen it before). I don't seem to tire of that series. I long since stopped watching it mostly for interesting medical cases. They usually follow some sort of pattern, and I find myself always waiting for the moment someone says something completely unrelated and Dr. G. House suddenly becomes horribly detatched, you get a close-up of his eyes, and he stormes out. No, I watch it more out of a pleasure of the characters (House especially), humourous moments and the general progression of the characters and their relationships. Which is to say that they have got me hooked with the classic claws of television series.

I will now further indulge in my love for long running TV shows, piano, whiskey, cynicism and English by watching another episode or two of House MD, knocking back some more whiskey and ponder upon something more to write. Until then...

After having stared through another House episode I find that I am almost just as blank as I was when I left off before. This whole post seems rather meaningless; but then again so is my entire blog. Not so much a diary, or a place where I write down all my brilliant ideas and realisations, as it is a place where I write meaningless entries, much for my own entertainment and to use a bit of English.

I am currently reading Douglas Adams' 'Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency'. I am, however, not devouring it with the same pleasure that I did 'The Hitchikers Guide to The Galaxy', or 'The Salmon of Doubt'. Why? Beats me. It is still fun though.

I should probably go to bed. My whiskey glass is running empty for the second time, and my girlfriend has been alone in bed for longer than I should wish. Unfortunately my ears, my oesophagus and my fingers disagree and cling eagerly to the music, whiskey and keyboard respectivly. They will yield to the authoroty of my exhausted brain and longing heart eventually. Which seems almost a shame, as I finally am able to write without much concern for what actually appears on the screen. One of the magnificent side effects of sleep deprivation and alcohol. Not caring for what is produced.

Half past five. I stretch out for the glass on the table next to me. I pour the last reminder of whiskey down my throat. And, as the voice of Melody Gardot fade out, ending my youtube playlist, my fingers move from the keyboard to the mousepad.


(I am eternaly greatfull for the save option on these pages. Without it this post would be rushing for oblivion).

Politics

I have always concidered myself somewhat of a socialist. I believe that in a society the government exists to serve the people, not the other way around. And I believe that government controll, and equallity is good. I have however, lost the taste for the Norwegian socialists (not that I will start voting FRP or anything); they seem to be taking things a little bit to the extreeme. Besides I have some close to heart cases that I sincerely believe will improve our society.

As such, I have decided that it would be a good idea to form my own political party. I have started writing down some of the content of my political agenda.

So; here is what I will attempt to push through if you elect me and my (one man) party for government.

One of the things that I have given much thought to is the idea of Government controlled brothels. In case you have lived under a rock (or outside of Norway) for the last year you might have missed the recent ban imposed by our current government that illegalized purchase of sexual scervices. This, I believe, is a bad way to deal with the problem which is human trafficing and pimping. My idea is simply to implement brothels which are controlled by the government. This will increase the safety of those who choose to work as prostitutes, and grant income to the nation. I will post more about this matter in a separate post in order to keep this on topic.

One of the problems our country will face in the coming future is lack of money due to new sources of energy, and the drying up of oil wells. This leads to a need for new sources of income if one is to maintain the welfare-state. It might be necessary to increase taxes, but it might be avoidable.

Firstly, we need to increase our current spending on research with regards to modern technologies and energy production.

Secondly, we need to strenghten one of the strongest export articles we have; fishing. Unfortunately, there is not enough fish in the ocean to earn us a sufficient amount of money, so fish farms seems to be the way to go. However, there is a problem with the modern fish farms. The fish tends to run away and have sex with other wild fish (or sperm on their eggs), and give them fleas. Now, I don't know much about fish farms but it occurs to me that putting the fish in big transparent pipes with small holes in them (to allow water circulation) instead of the standard rope mesh they use (as far as I know). Show me the salmon who eats through inch thick plastic and I'll feed it my analbeads.

Also there are areas within public service in Norway which need heavy economic evaluation. We need to observe how we spend our money especially within the defence sector and health. Defence because it needs significant improvement (we are not even able to defend Oslo in case of an attack (not that we would want to)). And health, because it is a fucking moneysink and we need that money. To be fair, we might need to privatize some of the public sector to save some money and I believe that if something were to go, health would be the first as private hospitals would take some of the queues and costs away from the public ones and will offer good healthcare for those who can afford it. Cutting down the expenses of the public hospitals, but still maintaining good healthcare for those who choose not to go to private hospitals.

Education needs strengthening. A lot of it. Better education of teachers and require masters degrees in teaching subjects for the teachers down to eight grade (which is just requiered for 'videregåande skule' teachers at the moment). Also strengthening teachers' position in society, in order to educate more and better teachers. This could be done by increasing the wages of teachers (*snicker* no ulterior motives whatsoever *snicker*).

Alcohol prices are ok as they are. I won't lower them. However I might consider extend the opening hours of the bars in the country. (The current government is now working on reducing the legal opening hours from 03:00 'til 02:00. )

Other things I am concidering:
- Legalisation of Absinthe as the alleged halusiogenic effect of this drink has been long since dissapproved.
- Legalisation of Marihuana as it has been proved not to have more harmfull effects than alcohol (sell it at the winemonopoly).
- Division of the state and the church.
- Financial support to religious groups based on size.

Now I'm tierd of writing. I'll watch silly Britons on the box.

Edit: I apologise for poor English and sentence / argument structure. I am really, really tierd.